I was thinking about my various pursuits this morning. From all the different careers I've considered to all the different hobbies I've tried, and how each has been a small journey that has affected me in one way or another. Choices. Essentially, how I've changed.
In recent years, I feel like I've really crawled into myself. I don't handle socialization outside the Internet very well anymore, and the thought of doing things outside of this world freaks me out. I think about doing things like... going back to school, establishing a writer's group, going to writing conferences, etc., and it honestly gives me anxiety just thinking about it. A lot of this probably has to do with how isolated I am these days. I work at home, all my hobbies are in my home, I have only a few friends who have these things called lives (hey, how do I get one of those?), and I have two children that make it challenging to get out without feeling like I'm dragging a circus and all its cargo with me.
I guess I've been trying to figure out where this began, how it developed. Was it when I started taking online college courses 90% of the time for my degree? Was it when I started working from home? When I had my daughter and found myself getting out less and less? Did it start back in high school when I decided to go into Independent Study to finish early? Or has it all just compounded? I don't know. I've always been fairly introverted but the difference between then and now is that I used to try.
I think about things I tried to get into in the past - choir, voice lessons, drama, dance, modeling classes, etc. - and I just boggle over it. I look at that list and think, hey! that person's an extrovert. But I'm not and really never have been. I just tried to be, and the person I am now can't imagine doing any of those things. But you know what? Those experiences, no matter how distant they feel now, remind me that I have it in me somewhere. I just have to find it again.
So what does this have to do with anything? The rest of my life. Promotion, marketing. The frightening prospect of eventually having to sell myself. I'm pretty young in the scheme of life and I feel like I've really gone downhill in this regard. If I've let this much go already, where are the next few years going to take me? The next twenty, even? I don't necessarily want to change for the sake of becoming published, but I'm definitely going to have to muster up some of that can-do (or at least, can-try) attitude. Otherwise I'll be shooting myself in the foot and this, becoming a (successful) published author, is a huge part of who I want my future-self to be.
So, for the sake of my introspection, share with me some of the ways you've changed, things you've had to overcome for your dreams, or fears you have or had about becoming published.
I'd love to hear what you have to say.